As you can imagine, I have received a lot of harsh criticism. Scott Kame, music critic with the Gooseberry Gazette, said, "I've heard Lorenzo sing. There is no way in hell he used voice-enhancing drugs." Ross Rusch of Kentuckiana Sound agreed, "Someone with the vocal talents of Lorenzo Dunning cannot be improved, even with voice-enhancing drugs." Why, thank you, Ross.
But most music journalists echoed what Marco Samuel said, "Lorenzo Dunning is more likely to lie about taking taking voice-enhancing drugs than he is to actually take them. It's all a publicity stunt. But the most appalling component to this story is how Dunning bullied people into lying for him. Just ask all his drama blog victims."
In the interview that aired on PWN, Pokra asked me, "Do you feel guilty for threatening, libeling, and slandering the people who refused to say that I doped?" I answered, "No. That's scary. I'm glad I bullied them. That's even scarier. I'm only sorry that I got caught. That's the scariest." But just like everyone else, Pokra didn't seem to believe me when I said I had no remorse.
Pop culture blogger, Perez Motel-6, posted, "Pokra realized that Lorenzo Dunning acting like a heartless jackass only to save his career. The same goes with all his lies about Hannah the Alpaca."
Now since the story about Hannah came out, I went into hiding. Unfortunately, no one came looking for me. The press is complaining because I'm offering to do too many interviews. I've called up many journalists in my efforts to set the record straight, but they won't return my calls. So, I'll tell you what happened.
On December 3, I found out that Hannah didn't exist. I think this was a cruel hoax concocted by Sarah McLachlan. In December 20, I told my manager, as well as my band, The Effeminate Four, the truth. They told me to go public with it right away because the negative publicity would do me some good. And then, of course, on January 2, I won three Gooseberry Music Awards, including best pregame performance of the National Anthem with marching band accompaniment. (Thank you, Gooseberry High School Marching Pioneers, director Richard B. Willis, and all the Band Boosers!)
When I came forward and admitted that I used voice-enhancing drugs, I offered to return all my Gooseberry Music Awards, but they told me to keep them because they didn't believe me. And they told me I didn't get any sympathy votes because of the alpaca story because none of the judges belied that one, either. But the good news is that I've been invited to Yukon to compete in a tall tale contest.
In the meantime, don't trust this woman:
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