Lorenzo & Myron's Halloween Album Goes Platinum

Feng Shui Lady
Guest blogger

Hello there. You remember me? I'm Feng Shui Lady. This is not Lorenzo. Feng Shui Lady here. We met before. All of you like me I think except one arrogant bitch who got all shitty last time. I tell her last time that she can go someplace and self-fuck.

Lorenzo allow me to guest blog here on his blog to tell you that Lorenzo and Myron and me have enjoy great success with our Halloween CD. Lorenzo and Myron are the recording artists of the CD and I am producer. The CD it has gone platinum and we haven't even finished it yet. You see, 1,000,000 people pre-order the scary Halloween CD. 

We tell the place that give out platinum albums, "Hey, 1,000,000 people pre-order our CD. Give us platinum album." But they say, "No, we think you made up all those people just so you can have platinum album." I tell them, "No I tell the truth. I can even sign an alpha david in front of noter republican and swear this is true." But they don't listen. Bunch of fucktars! 

Anyway, this Halloween CD has lots of scary sounds on it. You can play it over loud speaker if you doing a haunted house or if you have Halloween party or if you just want to scare shit out of little trick-or-treaters who come to your house.

Oh, it's real, real scary. It have lots of screaming on it. Myron come to studio with some tracks already recorded with lots of screaming. I say, "Sound so real, like someone is getting murdered. You didn't really kill these people and record their screaming, did you?" Myron reply, "Who do you think I am? One of the Ohio Players?"

Myron

I know Myron is a player, but I not think he is from Ohio.

Anyway, Lorenzo and Myron even put evil backward messages on scary Halloween CD to fuck with people's minds and corrupt young people. They say things like, "Your mom enjoy butt sex with Satan" and "Hey, why don't you bite your tongue off and mail it to someone?" Only we put on a loop and play it backward over and over again. So that way, you don't know what they are saying but your sub-conscience mind figure it out, only you don't know it. And it really fuck you up really really bad. Oh, we corrupt people's minds. Especially young people we corrupt their mind. You play our CD at your Halloween party and in few days, you get lots of people's tongues in mail that you can give to trick-or-treaters. 

Oh, and you know what else? Remember when Lorenzo wrote nasty blog about Marcus the Rockville Guy and MTRG threaten to call Gooseberry Police Department and report Lorenzo? And Lorenzo say, "Here is the number to GPD. Call them. See if I care?" But Lorenzo gave MTRG Lorenzo's own number and Lorenzo answer MTRG call and pretended to be Gooseberry police officer? And he record the conversation and play it for everyone? We put that on backward loop and put it on CD too. We give him credit on CD as Yug Ellivkcor Eht Sucram. Do you get it?

Anyway, I report to you soon again to give you update on progress of our CD. Now that is has 1,000,000 people pre-order it, we get offers from lots of other recording artists wanting to be on it. People like Lionel Richie, Paul Simon, Kenny Rogers, Tina Turner, Billy Joel, Dionne Warwick (I hate that bitch), Willie Nelson, Kenny Loggins, Steve Perry, Cyndi Lauper, Kim Carnes. I tell them, "All of you come on the same night and we record all your parts in one night...maybe after an award show." I cannot wait to tell those mothersfucker "Put a check mark on your ego and leave it at the door."