Tuesday, March 12, 2013

A Pharmacy Full of Asshats

(My Friend Lorenzo is written before a studio audience.)

Lorenzo:
I'm sorry. There must be a mistake. The medication I just paid for is Levoxyl, 88mcg. I thought I was picking up a supply of Cymbolic. You see, my doctor up my dose of Levoxyl to 125mcg, so I'm not taking the 88mcg anymore.

Agnes the pharmacy tech:
Okay. Well, it'll be about a 15-minute wait on the Cymbolic. 


Lorenzo:
But it comes prepackaged, directly from the manufacturer.


Agnes:
Okay, it'll be about 15 minutes.

Lorenzo:
My I have the restroom key. I don't know why you have to ask for a key to use the restroom here. Sick people come in here and they may have to use the restroom without notice. 


Agnes:
The restroom is closed. 


Lorenzo:
But people still have to go late at night. I think you can reopen the restroom. And when I get back, you'll have the Cymbolic ready for me.


Agnes:
There is a gas station across the street. They have a restroom.


Lorenzo:
You know, I'll just come back tomorrow.


The next day...

Lorenzo:
I should have a bottle of Cymbolic waiting for me. And, I was just at the doctor's office. He electronically sent over a prescription for Azithromycin.   

Belinda, the pharmacy tech:
What's the name?


Lorenzo:
Lorenzo Dunning. 


Belinda:
L-A-U-R...?


Lorenzo:
No. L-O-R-E-N...


Belinda:
How do you spell the rest of it?


Lorenzo:
Z-O


Belinda:
Wait a minute. L-A-R...


Lorenzo:
No. L


Belinda:
L


Lorenzo:
O


Belinda:
O


Lorenzo:
R


Belinda: 
R


Lorenzo:
E


Belinda:
E


15 minutes later...

Belinda:
And how do you spell your last name?


15 minutes later...

Belinda:
And what's your street address?

15 minutes later...

Belinda:

Okay. We have a prescription of Levoxyl waiting for you.

Lorenzo:
No. I was here last night. I don't need another supply of the Levoxyl 88mcg. I need Cymbolic. 


Belinda:
Oh. You're the one who left last night because you didn't want to wait for the Levoxyl.

Lorenzo:
No. I left because I couldn't wait for the Cymbolic. I had to pee really, really bad and the young woman who was here last night said that the restroom was closed.


Belinda:
Closed? Are you sure she didn't say it was out of order?


Lorenzo:
Oh, was it out of order?


Belinda:
No.


Lorenzo:
Then I guess she didn't say it was out of order. That's her over there. (Point) She's the one who told me that the restroom was closed last night.


Agnes:
I didn't tell him the restroom was closed last night.


Lorenzo:
Yes you did.


Belinda:
There will be a 15-minute wait on the Cymbolic.


Lorenzo:
I thought Agnes was going to fill it last night so that it would be ready when I came in today.


Agnes:
You didn't tell me you were coming back in today.


Lorenzo:
Yes I did. 


Belinda:
Did you want to wait for us to refill the Cymbolic or did you want to come back?


Lorenzo:
But it comes prepackaged, directly from the manufacturer. And I just got back from the doctor. He electronically sent you a prescription for Azithromycin.

Belinda:
We haven't received the prescription for the Azithromycin. Sometimes it takes one to two hours for us to receive electronic prescription requests. So you'll have to come back for it.

Lorenzo:
Have you checked to see if you've received it?

Belinda:
No.


Lorenzo:How often do you check to see if you've received any electronic prescription requests. 

Belinda:
Every one to two hours.


Lorenzo:
You know, I'll bet you that you have received my prescription request. Why don't you go check on that?


10 minutes later...

Belinda:
Yes. We received it. 


Lorenzo:
That must be the fastest electronic prescription request you've ever received. 


Belinda:
It'll be about a 20-minute wait on the Azithromycin.


Lorenzo:
But it comes prepackaged. It's a full course of antibiotic therapy in five daily doses.


Claire:
Lorenzo, did you tell your doctor that you take Axlrose?


Lorenzo:
Uh...actually, I think I forgot to tell him that.


Claire:
Now Lorenzo, when your doctor asks you what medicines you take, you are supposed to....


Lorenzo:
Wait a minute. Don't be so patronizing. It was an honest mistake. I forgot.


Claire:
Now Lorenzo, I would never patronize someone as...capable...as you.


Belinda:
It looks like we have a bottle of Cymbolic prepackaged. And, we have the Azithromycin already in a box. Do you still want the Levoxyl?


Lorenzo:
No! I told Agnes last night that I didn't need the Levoxyl.


Agnes:
You didn't tell me you didn't want the Levoxyl.


Lorenzo:
Yes I did.

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