Feng Shui Lady Is Alive, Not Killed (Shh, Don't Tell Lorenzo)

This is not Lorenzo Dunning writing this. I am Feng Shui Lady. Remember me?

This is me, Feng Shui Lady

I am same Feng Shui Lady that Lorenzo blog about a year ago. Lorenzo think kill me last year. Now do you remember? If no, click here and read. Did you read?

Now. My English is not good. Don't make fun of my English. Make fun of Lorenzo instead. Make fun of his English, too. When he write, he use too many fucking adjectives and too many adverb, and still, he's not very descriptive. Stella Stevens make fun of Lorenzo all the time.

Anywait, Myron help me hack into Lorenzo's blog so I can post this blog entry. You know Myron, right? Myron is Lorenzo's roommate. Myron tried to kill Lorenzo few years ago, but they reckoned sile.

Myron

Now you know Myron of course you do.

They say when the sun shine brightly, the sky is eliminated. Liekwhy, I am doing this to shed light on why I do this.

Myron hire me last year to feng shui house as birthday gift for Lorenzo. Well sumo wrestlers live with Lorenzo and Myron in the basement. Few years ago, Lorenzo had dumbfuck idea about using money Mroyn steal to bring sumo wrestlers over from Japan to start a sumo wrestling federation here in Gooseberry. but it was an ETHIC FAIL!!! So, Lorenzo started daycare business and hired the sumo wrestlers to work at daycare. You can see that went over like red balloons...99 of them to be exack.

♥  Daisaku  ♥

(This is not his baby) 

But the sumo wrestlers stay living with Lorenzo and Myron in basement.

I met Daisaku when I came to house to feng shui as Myron's birthday gift to Lorenzo. We hit it off. So we agree to start sleeping together with one another. Daisaku spend night inside my sugar walls. I strap my hands across his engines. He say I'm his girlfriend, but I say we just friends that do benefits with each other. Lorenzo got tired of me visiting Daisaku, being at his house all the time. And Lorenzo never listen to me when I give fung shui advice. Maybe Lorenzo jealous I don't find him attracted. Even if Lorenzo could become a straight through Exit Us, I would not sleep with him even if all the other men in the world die. Have you ever seen any of the porn movies Lorenzo is in? LOTF!!!

Lorenzo want to get rid of me because he don't want me there, so he put objects under bed where me and Daisaku sleep that he knew would make for bad feng shui. Items like blender, toaster, megaphone, ninja weapons, old MC Hammer album. He put them under the bed for bad feng shui that would give me headache or break my hip or something that would keep me away from his house. I think Lorenzo's fuck buddy help him do this, but I don't say for sure. It could have kill me, but I found items under bed before it too late. 

We wanted Lorenzo to pay a consequence to teach him some lesson. See, Lorenzo is a fucktard. He suck dick of donky the green color. He think he hot snot, but he really is cold booger. Lorenzo try to make you think he's all sweet and innocence. So when he act like a hat's asshole and a dumbfuck, he try to make it seem like it all part of a commondy routine, just to get laughs. But he not pretending. He is that way really. Just ask some buddy who know Lorenzo. They know.

Like I have been saying, we thought we should give Lorenzo the medicine he owns and make him taste it.  Myron and Daisaku and rest of sumo wrestlers tell Lorenzo I die. Make him wonder if his feng shui kill me this whole time. We have memorial service for me and all that. Everyone there pretend crying, but was laughing really because they knew it all a big joke on Lorenzo. Only Lorenzo not know truth. Pwn! Lorenzo even sang at memorial service and everyone in on joke laugh while Lorenzo was singing because Lorenzo was being so sincerious. OLO

All this time, I was staying away from Lorenzo, so not spoil prank. Daisaku sleeping over at my house instead. Sometime, I go to Lorenzo concert in disguise and request he sing "Rocky Top" every time. It piss him off.

Now I will drive by Loreonzo's house every now and then and places I know he's at every now and then and then disappear. Him will be thinking, "That look like Feng Shui Lady, but she's dead." Or he will think, "Hmm, I could swear that is Fung Shui lady. I must be playing tricks on my eyes." My eyes must be seeing tricks or something." And soon he will think I am a ghost coming back to haunt him. Especialty when I show up at house at night when everyone in bed. We will use sound effect and especial effects. Halloween will be big night we really scare piss out of Lorenzo. Maybe Myron and sumos convince Lorenzo into having sayont, or maybe two sayonts. He will hear my voice during sayont me telling him that all the spirits on the other side think he's a dick's head and they watch him when he fucks and make fun of the way he fucks. I tell him someone he gave blowing job to years ago has crossed over and is going around telling all the spirits that he bad at blowing jobs.

But don't tell Lorenzo about this prank, okay? I want you in on prank. Keep it a secret. Don't say to Lorenzo about our prank. Remember our motto: "Keep calm and go fuck yourself."

Senceriously,
The Feng Shui Lady