Treatment for Post-MySpace Maladjustment Disorder

"The first drama blog I wrote after leaving MySpace fell flat. No one responded. Where were my supporters? Where were my haters? None of them followed me to WordPress. I fell into a deep depression. Fortunately, I reached out for help."

--Tatiana

Tatiana is not alone. Many former stars of MySpace are suffering in silence from a debilitating syndrome called post-MySpace maladjustment disorder.

 "I remember waiting until 2:01 a.m. to post my blog on MySpace just to score high in the rankings. It would thrill me when my blog entries would land in the top 10. Those were the moments I lived for. The downfall of MySpace took all that away from me. I thought my life was over. I had nowhere else to turn."

--Mary Alice

Post-MySpace maladjustment disorder (or PMSMD) affects thousands of people worldwide. Many people who suffer from PMSMD have tried, but failed, to solve the problem on their own. 

"At first, I said to myself, 'So what if MySpace is old news? I'll just make the transition to Facebook.' And then I did a Google search for 'Facebook glitter graphics' and found nothing. I felt a deep emptiness. I thought my situation was hopeless."
--Brian B.

 Symptoms of post-MySpace maladjustment disorder include:

• Persistent failed attempts to recapture the popularity one had on MySpace through other social networks.
• Recurring obnoxious attention-seeking behaviors that were effective on MySpace, but ineffective in other areas of the Internet or in real-world situations. 
• Repeated failed attempts to regain the number of MySpace blog subscribers one had when starting a blog on another server.
• Experiencing frustration when posting comments on other blogs where blogdicking is not possible.
• Feelings of sadness due to a decline of listenership of one's Blog Talk Radio program.

"I knew I had a problem when I was visiting my Aunt Mildred at the nursing home and I called her a 'fucktard'."

--George P. (a.k.a. Pegasus Whisperer)

But the Dunning Recovery Center of Gooseberry, Kentucky is there for you. It is a luxurious 32-bed facility with a low patient-to-staff ratio. Our professional team will provide you with an individualized, holistic treatment plan tailored to meet your recovery needs. 

 "I was a MySpace slut who did not successfully transition to Facebook. But the Dunning Recovery Center helped me get my life back on track. The staff were so friendly, especially the male staff. Get it? MALE STAFF. LOL

--Holly H.

My story:

I was a has-been former porn star, down on my luck, and then suddenly, I discovered MySpace blogging. Before I knew it, I had a new career as a satirist and political pundit with hundreds of blog subscribers. I earned the prestigious Spalding Award for Brilliance in Blogging. I was called "the best blogger in the history of blogging." And I was given the nickname "The King of Nice." I thought MySpace would last forever. But I discovered, once again, that fame was fleeting...and so was MySpace. With MySpace and my blogging career on life support, I tried to recapture my glory days. But with professional help, the support of loved ones, and the help of a higher power, I realized there is life after MySpace. With a new lease on life, I started the Dunning Recovery Center and decided to name it after myself. I'm proud to say that the Dunning Recovery Center has changed many lives.

"The Dunning Recovery Center helped me realize I don't have to hate anyone. I love life and I'm even learning to love myself...one day at a time."

Larry W. (formerly i-hate-fags)

"I used to spend my days and nights writing and responding to MySpace drama blogs, but now I have a life, thanks to the Dunning Recovery Center!"
--Gertrude

If you need help with PMSMD, call 1-555-RECOVER.