New Blog Series: Crazy Makers Suck Your Emotional Energies Among Other Things

Lorenzo, King of Nice, is on assignment, traveling North America, saving endangered species, reading Aesop's Fables to at-risk children, and building Habitat homes. Filling in for Nice Lorenzo is I've-About-Fucking-Had-It-with-Your-Shit Lorenzo.


As Jo Dee Messina says, my give-a-damn's busted. Oh, but that ain't the worst of it. I've already sold the last supply of give-a-rat's-ass and I'm not expecting another shipment of give-a-flying-fuck until August. The Nice Lorenzo would call it "compassion fatigue." I, the I've-About-Fucking-Had-It-with-Your-Shit Lorenzo call it "Save it for Somebody Who Gives a Shit Syndrome." Yep, all the products that we carry in the empathy section of Lorenzo's Emotional Superstore are gone, but you might want to check out the specials we have in the jaded section. We're running a two-for-one special on you-dug-your-own-hole. And there's a huge clearance sale on you-should-have-listened-to-me-in-the-first-place-dickhead.


Why am I like this? Because, I'm sickandtired (and yes, I've turned "sick and tired" into a compound word) of people dumping their shit in my lap expecting me to save them from the consequences of their own actions. 


Let me take a wild guess. You have "friends" and relatives like that, too. 


The term "crazy maker," sometimes used as a compound word ("crazymaker") is a pop psychology term that's been around at least since the 1980s. It's definition is self-explanatory. And if you live on planet earth, then you know a few. Hell, you probably know many. You may call them energy vampires, drama queens (or kings), troublemakers, histrionics, pains in the ass, and a few words that I can't mention on this family-friendly blog. But they suck the life out of you and they suck green donkey dicks. Al Franken's character, Stewart Smalley, would say that many of these people live their lives going from crisis to crisis.


Before I go any further, I'll ask Nice Lorenzo to weigh in on this:

This is Nice Lorenzo reporting from the Appellation Mountains of Kentucky where I have arranged for 1,000 young people to receive free dental care. While it's true that crazy makers tend (or pretend) to have more problems than the average person, not everyone with a lot of problems is a crazy maker. If you take responsibility for your own life...if you take responsibility for your own mistakes...if you need help and support from others, but realize you still need to help yourself...then you are not a crazy maker. Crazy makers thrive on chaos, and for them, chaos loves company. And now, back you you, I've-About-Fucking-Had-It-with-Your-Shit Lorenzo.

Thank you, Nice Lorenzo. Now there are all kinds of crazy makers and way they make "crazy." (I don't want some better-than-though asshat telling me I should have used "craziness" instead of "crazy." I did it on purpose for the effect, shitwad.) In the next few days, I will discuss the different types of crazy makers, what they do, how they do it, and what you can do to make them go spread their chaos somewhere else. Here are some of the types of crazy making we'll discuss.

• The pseudo-suicidal crazy maker.
  Maybe you know one. She (and yes, it is usually a she) will think, I'm going to call Andy and threaten to kill myself. But first, I'm going to buy a new pair of shoes and then see if Travelosity has any good deals on airfares. I hear that Quebec is beautiful this time of year. Then, I'll leave him a voice mail, telling him I'm going to kill myself. Then, I'll order a pizza and watch TV Land until he calls me back. (Nice Lorenzo would object to the obvious sexism I just used, but this is I've-About-Fucking-Had-It-with-Your-Shit Lorenzo.)
  
• The it's-my-crisis-but-it's-your-problem-to-solve crazy maker.
  She (and yes, it is usually a she) will come to you with an "overwhelming" crisis and she just won't know what to do. You will offer many, many solutions, but she will insist she's tried them all and they don't work. You will finally run out of ideas, and when you do, she'll accuse you of not caring. (Nice Lorenzo would object to the obvious sexism I just used, but this is I've-About-Fucking-Had-It-with-Your-Shit Lorenzo.)
  
• The I'm-too-angry-at-you-to-tell-you-why-I'm-angry-at-you crazy maker.
  She (AYIIUAS) will compel you to guess why she's angry at you. You will try to pry it out of her. Good luck! Six months later, she will explode in a tirade, in front of your family or friends, and tell you why she was angry at you. And guess what. All those months you thought things were fine...she was holding onto that grudge. (NLWOTTOSIJUBTIIAFHIWYSL)
  
• The will-you-help-me-move crazy maker.Okay, this time, it's usually a guy. One of the reasons I've never owned a truck is to avoid the will-you-help-me-move crazy maker. Usually, you go over to his apartment early Saturday morning, as agreed. The dickwad is still in bed. You have to wake him up. And guess what. He hasn't boxed a damn thing. And where are all the other guys he said would be there to help him move? So, what you thought would take only a few hours takes the entire damn day. Oh, but you have to stay until it's all moved out because he has to be out of his apartment that very day.

Now there are many other types of crazy makers, including the when-are-you-gonna-hurry-up-and-do-me-this-favor crazy maker. We will explore them all. In the meantime, for more information on crazy makers, check this out. Maybe in the comment section, you can share your experience with crazy makers.